Funny jokes

One head - well.
And with everything else - it is better.

- Why did Russia nanotechnology?.
- Well what?? .

Now I stand with the girl, cell phone in your pocket.
- What is it in your pants moves?.
- Came smska.

- Waiter, can be a bit of roast quail?.
- Did they do not roasted?.
- I do not know, but I eat a salad.

- Thanks!.
- I do not glory, I - Misha.
- Emperor Misha!.

Dialogue of students:.
- Monday I have not really slept.
- Ruler?.
- Yeah, and even a compass, a pencil and a sheet of A3.

If you have a color picture.
Want spiZdit pie.
If the shoes are scratched -.
So my friend went through.

The examination in anatomy, a ticket for Urology. He told all he knew, and that came up, time to finish his story:.
- The channel to drain urine from women 3cm. And men.
and then thought no matter how lohonutsya. Annealed the teacher:.
- And the men who are as lucky.

Girl with a fifth the size of the bust unhappy boy asks:.
- Why do you never look me in the eye?.
- Itself, then how do you think?.

Boss fires staff member firms. Boss:.
- I suggest you Viagra and potassium cyanide.
Employee: - Chegooo?.
Boss: - Well, I mean, get up and leave.

- Dad, who treats people?.
- Doctor, my son.
- Dad, who treats animals?.
- Vet, son.
- Dad, who treats Windows?.
- Formattsevt, son.
- Why?.
- Because, son, what is the most reliable way to cure Windows - a format C:.

My husband walks with friends. To early to return him home, his wife sends a text message:.
...
My wife sends a second message: ...


In the shop.
- Give me the leading herring.
- We do not have a.
- Yes, that won, fat, thick, without a head.

Elephant:.
- BoA for this crime should be punished.
monkey:.
- He must be killed!.
Parrot:.
- It's too hard!.
Elephant:.
- I propose to cut off his tail tip.
monkey:.
-. And on the nail on the head!.

Matroskin sitting on the porch and reading a newspaper: ' Above the village was hit by.
Boeing B- 77 '.
- Well, the ball! .


Tip:.
If the mini- headphones cut thread - they will not spontaneously fall out of ears.

Lieutenant Rzhevskij, dreamily:.
- Lord, have recently heard such a beautiful woman's name - Condoleezza. What do you think it means?.
The colonel, turning purple:.
- Lieutenant, to remain silent! .

- Can there be a life devoted to a single woman?.
- You can, if you neutered housecat!.

Thinking is not harmful, but it is difficult.

Azerbaijani, Russian asks:.
- Guess what is in my pocket: pink, paper rustling, and not money?.
-??.
- I still do not guess. fifty thousand.

Conversation between two friends.
- There can not seem to wean her husband to come home late.
- I weaned her.
- And what?.
- He somehow comes home late at night, opening the door, and I told him from the room: ' Misha. Is that you? '.
- And is he?.
- And he - Serge.

- And I have two toys that are still on the license did not come out!.
- Ekranki, I suppose?.

My wife - her husband:.
- Do you ever cheat on me!.
- What are you talking about? . I compare!.

My wife - her husband:.
- My dear, my daughter ended diapers, please feel free to buy.
- What, Haha, diapers, not for the Internet uplocheno!.

- Little Johnny and Dad who are you?.
- A shareholder!.
- And the banks in which he holds his shares?.
- Various: glass and metal. He is a participant of all shares on the beer!.


My husband looked at the statue of Venus for a long time and finally said to his wife:.
- You know, dear, it is something like you.
- Well, it seems, is now said that I do not what to wear?.

- Doctor, what happened to me? .
- I do not know, ma'am - but the vision you have, apparently, the normal.

- Why did you advise me on winter window seal?.
- So, it is now warm?.
- Now it's dark!.

The husband calls his wife:.
- Honey, now a short time, so I held up.

- Little Johnny, how you could break a violin?.
- Very easy. I'm practicing, practicing exercise. Suddenly the time - and violin flew out the window!.

Call to tour the firm:.
- Hello, we would like to relax.
- And what is available to you?.
- Well, five hundred rubles.
- Relax.

They come two. In front of a sign - ... The passenger - the driver:.
- Oh! .

- My wife leaves for a year abroad in order to perfect the vocals!.
- It's very expensive?.
- It is cost free. Neighbors have collected the required amount.

- Hello, where is your take urologist and ophthalmologist?.
- What do you have?.
- Yes, I do not understand - or I color blind, or urine, although the blue.

- We recently purchased a home theater!.
- And we - the home ring! .

In the questionnaire on a dating site:.
' On the body piercing, and pising sising '.

I am often called misogynist.
Did not understand what I'm annoying because these half-witted loud women.

Features of this year's fashion: girls wear earrings in the color of cowards!.
Now I understand why some girls do not wear earrings.

- The girl that you have there in the window between the buns?.
- Nahal!.
- Yes, I did not mean your buns.

- Doctor, I snore at night that I wake up from their own snoring! .
- Sleep in another room.

The two talked in the train:.
- Yesterday, after the show caused me as much as 15 times!.
- Just think! .
- You are an actor?.
- No. I - the waiter.

My husband persuaded his wife to go with him to a football match. However, she was going for so long that his wife had only the second time.
- What's the score? .
- Zero -Zero.
- You see - my wife says, - we, therefore, have not lost anything.

- You remind me of the ocean.
- I have the same wave?.
- No, I am of you as sick.

- For me, the best time - a holiday in the Canary Islands.
- You go there you're never traveled?.
- I - no, but my wife goes there every year!.

school. Last call. Director:.
- Natalie, you are a teacher of literature! .

The accountant is back with his family on an expensive holiday overseas resort.
At the airport in the area of ​​border control, border guard:.
- Where profits?.
- Where profits!? .

Who yesterday watched a horror movie!????.
- I.
- Here come and get rid of them!!!.

- Honey, what do I do if I have a diesel on the road end?.
- Well, you stop and you will vote.
- What is it possible to cast a diesel?.
- No, but you suck.

There are two.
- Young man, you do not accidentally blue?.
- You yourself. ( confused ) not gay!.

The teacher asks the student, freshman:.
- Tell us about the polarization of light.
- I do not light, I'm Natasha!.

Selling cheap monitor, keyboard, mouse, CPU.
Call from 15 to 20.
If you fit a man's voice, to say that the wrong number.

- Captain! .
- Hmm. bad luck.

The teacher tells the class:.
- Kids, get a pencil and paper. Today we will try to draw a horse, and Natasha Petrova, try not to move!.

- Mom, give me the juice!.
- While not eat the soup, do not give!.
- Mom, well, let the juice.
- Do not give.
- Mom, well, I can not live without zapivona.

A guy walks into a drugstore and buy a huge pack of condoms.
The whole place turns to him with interest and consider.
Man: Well I sold. I sold a computer!.